Although born into a home where faith was scorned, I found myself believing in God from childhood onwards. To my unjaded eyes the wonder and order of the natural world not just spoke but had stamped on every surface, Created by God. How could anyone think otherwise? Indeed.
As a teen and young adult I had several transcendant moments and though I had no idea what they meant – they did cause me to reject a materialist worldview. Something was out there. Possibly someone. Although I wasn’t spending any time trying to solve the mystery, I did think it important enough that I would not have married someone who didn’t agree.
And when everything is running smoothly and life is easy – why rock the boat? But darker days come don’t they ? Days when you just don’t get it. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? How long?
And while it certainly doesn’t feel good, those are perhaps the most fruitful times in our lives – if – and it’s a big if, we don’t look for ways to kill the pain. Pain is a good thing. It’s a message to our souls that something is amiss. There are so many ways to kill the pain. I’ve tried many. But if you want to grow, want life, the healthiest thing to do is embrace the pain. Let it do its work. It’s worth it.
Believing is Seeing No one told me he had died so when God called, I answered. I told him all my secrets. He told me some of his. I hid every word like a child at the beach stashing shells and rocks in a sturdy cardboard box, to store the ocean’s roar for landlocked days. Time passed, light lapsed. Pleasure played me, gravity grabbed me. The simple awe of knowing him got shoved on a shelf at the back of the closet, got lost in the dust, just a sock under the bed. Cataracts formed on my spirit eclipsing the ambient light. Not strobe nor neon neither particle nor wave pierced that night. All were dulled, palled by the shroud that clouded my soul. The road is hard in the dark. A ray of hope from home today, a poignant parcel sent my way. The scribbled note had this to say, “Remember these. I found them in a closet and I couldn’t throw them out.” An ocean of recollection washed out of the box, a high tide of light that had been ebbing out for decades. Longside a stretched out lumpy sock, lay conches, whelks, the tumbled rocks! Majesty and mystery, essence of the mighty sea, clung to them like limpets. From the sock, still intact, a silent starfish blazed with fact, the blinding truth that I had lacked. Light finds its source in Him.